This is my story about my experiences living with vaginismus. Basically this condition is when your vagina is too tight to have sex, or for anything else to enter into it. Sex can be rather painful, or non existent because the tightness makes it impossible for your partner to enter into you.
This also includes not being able to insert a tampon (or what ever else you may want to put there), or being in pain when you do insert anything into this area. See page Vaginismus Explained – A Female Condition No Woman Wants for more information.
There are three parts to my story, as I first experienced a few months of vaginismus in the mid 1980’s (re the story below), and again in 2018 (which is still ongoing now in 2019).
You can read part 2 here – My Vaginismus Came Back Over 30 Years Later! My Story – Part 2
Part 3 is about how I’m coping with it, and what I’m doing about it currently (2019).
Please NOTE: Just because I have vaginismus for a second amount of time in my life, doesn’t mean that you will get it again in your life. There are two different reasons behind what caused my vaginismus on each occasion.
So now for my 1980’s story…
Married & Too Tight and Painful To Have Sex!
Yip that’s right, I was married at the very young age of 18. He was my first love (the guy I lost my virginity to at age 15) , and sex was great until vaginismus came along later on!
Sure it was a bit tense in that bit down below when we did it for the first time, but over all, I had a low amount of tension and pain during, and after this special event – the loosing my virginity thing.
So… we continued to have good, fulfilling sex regularly, and life was great! So much so that we went flatting together (lived together) when I was 15. By the time I was 17 we were engaged.
We wanted to get married soon after the engagement, but back then you had to have parental consent to get married when under the age of 20 years old. We knew my parents wouldn’t give consent due to my age. But this didn’t deter us from thinking about our future – we decided we wanted a baby. So it was goodbye to my contraceptive pills!
I got pregnant within just a few weeks from coming of the pill, but the pregnancy test showed negative at 5 weeks. Back in the 80’s pregnancy tests were not as good as they are these days.
The nurse told me to come back in a few more weeks to have another test, as the results can go negative – positive or vice versa during the first stages of pregnancy.
Then on week 6 I went into shock mode – My brother was unexpectedly killed in an accident. I will never forget the grief I suffered. I cried so much, that my tummy felt like it was going to rip right out of my body! When this happened I stopped myself from crying, as I was worried about loosing the baby if I was actually pregnant.
My brothers funeral was due to happen 4-5 days later, so I made an appointment to see the nurse for another pregnancy test. They could only fit me in for this on the morning of his funeral, so off I went, worried I could loose the baby if I was pregnant, and devastated about my brother.
The test was positive – I was around 6 weeks pregnant. When I told my parents a few days later, they were happy for me and decided to let us get married – even though I was only 18. Our wedding was a few months later.
Around 5-6 months after this, my daughter was born healthy, via an unplanned cesarean section (C-section).
The sex was still great until around 3-6 months or so after this.
PS: Because it was so long ago (the 1980’s, and now as I write this, it is 2019), I can’t remember the exact time frame when things changed.
In general I was happy in my life. Even though I was still grieving over the loss of my brother, I wasn’t crying all the time, or getting dragged down by it.
My Body Decided It Wouldn’t Let Me Have Sex Anymore
Then one day, the sex was a little painful. This was unusual for me. I felt a burning sensation, and slight tightness.
I didn’t understand what was going on.
It wasn’t like we hadn’t done a lot of enjoyable smooching and foreplay beforehand.
I brushed what had started to happen off, as just one of those things that will be better next time.
But each time, ‘next time’ came along, it would still happen, and the intensity of the pain and burning got worse quickly.
No matter how aroused I was, and how much I wanted to have sex, my lady part down below (my va jay jay) was turning into a no-go zone.
I began to dread sex, but still fulfilled my hubbies needs. I just tried not to be scared it could be painful.
Around the first month or so of having this issue, things got even worse. My va jay jay closed up completely.
It had turned into a total no go zone! It was like there was an invisible locked door covering the entrance of it.
A door I could not open, even with a small tampon. I felt alone, inadequate because I couldn’t fulfill my husbands needs, and afraid that some type of deformity had happened to my body.
By this point hubby had started to think I wanted to be with some else, or that I didn’t love him anymore.
Of course I assured him the above wasn’t the case. At the same time, I couldn’t give him a reason as to why things had frozen up in my va jay jay area.
So this is when I bucked up enough courage to go to my doctor.
I Finally Told My Doctor My Va Jay Jay
Was Too Tight and Painful To Have Sex!
I have always been one to have regular check ups at the doctor, even for that part down below.
But, I was dreading the doctor saying he would need to do an internal examination at this appointment.
Thankfully he didn’t.
I told him what had been happening, and the first thing he said was, the problem was not my fault, and that it would just go away on it’s own one day.
He told me it was a subconscious thing, where my vaginal muscles involuntarily clench/tense up. That my body was acting like it was being raped, even though I was wanting and aroused to have sex.
I don’t think (Being so long ago it’s hard to be sure) the doctor put a medical name to what was happening to me. If he did, it was only mentioned briefly
He continued on to say that there isn’t always a reason as to why the subconscious does this, and re-affirmed it would just go away on it’s own.
Oh and he said to maybe try using lubricant as this may help a bit with things.
I was relieved I hadn’t become deformed in any way, but confused about the subconscious side of things, even though the doctor had said ‘it’s not all in your mind’.
I wasn’t offered any form of treatment, like they do these days, to train or get the va jay jay muscles to relax. In-fact I don’t think treatments for this were even available back then in the 80’s.
So after the visit to the doctor, I told hubby why my va jay jay was like it was. He felt a little more at ease over things then, but just like me, he was a bit confused and frustrated by it.
Within a few weeks and still not able to have sex, even with lubricant, hubby began to think the base of the problem was that I wanted to be with someone else.
I even began to think and fear that he would go elsewhere for sex.
So it was off to the doctors again, hubby with me this time. I thought it would help if the doctor explained to him what the problem was.
I’m not really sure if hubby understood, even when the doctor explained it. But at least he knew I wasn’t making it up, even though he had never accused me of this.
We continued on being patient about when sex may actually be achievable again. In-fact we didn’t try to have sex as often as we used to.
Then like the doctor said, the problem went away on it’s own.
We tried to have sex one day, the invisible locked door in my va jay jay area, had gone. There was no pain or tightness.
(All this time later I cannot be precise in the amount of time it took for the tightness to go away, but it was within 5-6 months of when I started to feel slight pain and tightness).
From that time on, I never suffered with the condition (vaginismus) again until 2018.
I will write about my 2018 experience in part 2 of my story. Part 2 will be more detailed as most doctors offer various treatments for vaginismus now days.
Not to mention, we have the internet these days, and this is where I got a more in-depth knowledge, and understanding about vaginismus, and useful tips on how to cope with it.
Knowing what I know now, I feel that the shock and grief of my brothers death, and the fact that I stopped myself from crying at the time, played a large part in my lady part clenching up, and maybe other parts of my body to.
In other words, on a subconscious level, once my daughter was born it was safe to cry, as the fear of losing her was not still stuck in my mind somewhere.
In saying this, when the tears did come, they were not deep gut wrenching ones, as I had dealt with the grief in an emotional way, and had supportive friends to talk to.
Please Note: I am not trying to say that if you suffer a loss in some way that you may get vaginismus, it’s just what I feel the subconscious link was in my case on this occasion.
If you are having painful sex and/or think you may have vaginismus, I can’t stress enough for you to seek advice from a healthcare professional.
If you feel your doctor is not taking your seriously, (which from what I have read in other ladies stories, sadly happens from time to time), seek advice from another healthcare professional, or get a second opinion.
Various things, and other health issues can cause painful sex and/or vaginal tightness.
Vaginismus is not always caused by the subconscious either, although most doctors agree that the subconscious plays a part for many.
You don’t have to be alone with this. Vaginismus is treatable these days.
You can read part 2 of my story here – My Vaginismus Came Back Over 30 Years Later! My Story – Part 2
(Part 2 of my story is more detailed as this is when I learnt a lot about vaginismus, and was offered various treatments. In the mean time I while am writing part 2.)
Take care lovelies
Article about Ms Tight written by Ms Tight
“DISCLAIMER: I am not a health care professional, the information in this article is based on my own personal experience of living with vaginismus, and what I have learnt. If you have any concerns about your health, it is best to seek advice from a health care professional – Full disclaimer)“.